Smoot Smites Smut

In these days when the evangelical right is purging moderates from their party, pushing for state referenda to abridge the civil rights of our citizens, taking Oscar-winning films off our televisions, and generally making a nuisance of themselves, I need to distract myself with humor every now and then.  Sure, it may not be as effective as outrage, but I think I'll go nuts if I stay outraged all the time.

So, to echo an earlier culture war, here is an Ogden Nash poem about the efforts of Senator Reed Owen Smoot, he of the infamous Smoot-Hawley Tariff of 1930, to ban naughty books.  The subject line of this post is taken from one of the news headlines at the time.  Back when I worked on the Hill, my boss read this on the floor when he defended NEA funding against attacks from Jesse Helms and friends.  As the Wonkette has reported, Smoots still walk among us (warning: the image with the story shows naked breasts on C-SPAN).

Smile if you can!

Invocation

(SMOOT PLANS TARIFF BAN ON IMPROPER BOOKS - News Item)

Senator Smoot (Republican, Ut.)
Is planning a ban on smut.
Oh rooti-ti-toot for Smoot of Ut.
And his reverend occiput.
Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut.,
Grit your molars and do your dut.,
Gird up your l__ns,
Smite h_p and th_gh,
We'll all be Kansas
By and by.

Smite, Smoot, for the Watch and Ward,
For Hiram Johnson and Henry Ford,
For Bishop Cannon and John D., Junior,
For ex-Gov. Pinchot of Pennsylvunia,
For John S. Sumner and Elder Hays
And possibly Edward L. Bernays,
For Orville Poland and Ella Boole,
For Mother Machree and the Shelton pool.
When smut's to be smitten
Smoot will smite
For G-d, for country,
And Fahrenheit.

Senator Smoot is an institute
Not to be bribed with pelf;
He guards our homes from erotic tomes
By reading them all himself.
Smite, Smoot, smite for Ut.,
They're smuggling smut from Balt. to Butte!
Strongest and sternest
Of your s_x
Scatter the scoundrels
From Can. to Mex!

Smite, Smoot, for Smedley Butler,
For any good man by the name of Cutler,
Smite for the W.C.T.U,
For Rockne's team and for Leader's crew,
For Florence Coolidge and Admiral Byrd,
For Billy Sunday and John D., Third,
For Grantland Rice and for Albie Booth,
For the Woman's Auxiliary of Duluth,
Smite, Smoot,
Be rugged and rough,
Smut if smitten
Is front-page stuff.

Comments

[Patrick]

(snicker)